Can someone on Earth tell me what to do?

Her presence is still felt, on the walls she leaned on, on the places she sat and on the places where we walked together hand in hand.. Her loud laugh, her talks, still spin in my head, in never ending circles. If I close my eyes I can almost see her in front of me.For a moment then I will believe that she is there, her smile as she looks up at me, her own laughter as she cracks a bad joke, or laughs at mine, she protecting me from my friends( I could never be happier!), she is there yes. If I close my eyes she IS there isn’t she???

I walk along memory lane, now and then stopping in front of the café we ate at or the interesting conversation we had. I looked at the two people who were there, unaware of the moments passing, still blissfully sitting in each others company, still living those moments.I can see US in them...Every moment, everything I look at, to me now, is beyond precious. Memories, they still hang around, some rusty,Some fresh but they are still here. I close my eyes and can SEE, what I can’t anymore... I wish I could go back, wish I could make one more memory with you, wish I could make that one the most special.

Even the bad memories are appreciated now, for they are, after all, memories with you.They had "YOU" in them...!!Walking away from them is not easy. Every moment I linger, I seem to lose my will to leave. Every second spent here is reliving the past.

Suddenly, I  turn back, looking at all that I left behind, the hours sitting waiting for you, the hours spent staring at your face, the hours spent laughing, talking, sharing what might have been. I want to cry now, but tears won’t come to me. I want to release all that I have, but my body keeps bottling it up.
I feel guilty. I walk on thinking, “don’t look back”, and yet every time I think that I can’t help but take one last look, one more moment that needs cherishing
I linger there for a long time, for I don’t want to leave. I can’t! I refuse to! But I HAVE to!

As I go back to that day,I look at myself sitting in front of the screen, staring at the last messages. Reading them again and again, making sure I understood. Those tense hours spent writing and rewriting my replies, carefully trying to sound flippant,my emotions with an exclamation mark and some smiles in between which are actually tears. Those were the bad ones, the really painful ones, the ones I wish didn’t happen.That day, the very day, which made my room so meloncholic, my life so dark, and made me feel replaced, the day that made me just exist, ....as a lump of flesh..the day You left me...

Now, I am standing here peeping inside even when my mind, body, heart and soul says we have no strength to look inside, and shouting at me to turn back and go home, I saw you with him,..You standing there just reluctant of whats happening,and standing as if you were a thing,that has no life in it...holding his hand,and trying very hard to smile at the snap. I never knew him till then but somehow felt a pang of jealousy and pain looking at him...I felt like stopping the whole world..fight with it, and grab you from there and run...somewhere miles and miles far away...

I will move away, maybe, someday,. I’ll move away, ….....yet, the thought of you being with me is so beautiful to cherish..., yet someday,. I’ll move away....I have to...